Revolutionary New Procedure Decreases Scrum Masterbation (sic)


The continuing controversy over Scrum Certification evidently inspired the following "press release", which was circulating at the Agile 2007 Conference this year. While its authenticity, or, to be more precise, its lack thereof, is no longer in dispute, you may nonetheless find it amusing.


Press Release, 15 August 2007

*REDACTED*, Inc., is pleased to announce that we will be able to offer safe, somewhat affordable Scrum Circumcision™, for the first time, to our preferred clients, beginning in September of 2007.

Scrum Circumcision™ is perfect for the software professional who is looking for a way to distinguish himself from, shall we say, the unwashed masses.

This revolutionary procedure entails the surgical removal of the patient's foresight. The effects are similar to a traditional XP lobotomy, though Scrum Circumcision™ is typically considerably less invasive.

Research has demonstrated that excising one's foresight can reduce premature generalization, improve code hygiene, and increase pairing satisfaction.

Customers usually report that they feel their XP-ness is dramatically enhanced after undergoing this procedure, and often experience stronger, more robust iterations.

Warning: stubbornly retaining your foresight may cause you to be subjected to ridicule and derision by your peers. Trim that foresight now, and transform yourself into a peak performer.

Act today. Our certified Mohelim are equiped with the lastest, most modern tools available, and are are waiting for your call. Remember, this procedure becomes more painful the longer you wait.

Foresight You're Not Gonna Need It™.

*REDACTED* president *REDACTED* denounced the faux press release as a "crass, puerile fabrication". Said *REDACTED*:

While we have mixed feelings about the necessity for formal certification procedures for any agile methodology, we see no reason to question or mock the motives of anyone advocating such credentialization. Frankly, I'm disgusted.

Regrettably, it appears this fabrication may have been the work of one of our own employees. Should this turn out to be the case, we assure you that the individual responsible will be sternly reprimanded.

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Brian Foote published on August 15, 2007 8:04 PM.

Thomas Jay Peckish II on Mankind's Most Magnificent Achievement was the previous entry in this blog.

Thomas Jay Peckish II on Where Experts Come From is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.


November 2012

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30  

Brian's Links



Brian Marick
Martin Fowler
Ralph Johnson (That's Completely Bogus!)
Dave Thomas (The Pragmatist)
Glenn Vanderberg
Patrick Logan
Lambda the Ultimate
Joshua Allen (Better Living Through Software)
Mariann Unterluggauer (Motz)
James O. Coplien
Eugene Wallingford
Blaine Buxton
Nickieben Bourbaki
Travis Griggs
Ivan Moore
Mike Mikinkovich
Superboy & Ward
Rebecca Wirfs-Brock
Nat Pryce
Tim Ottinger
Forrest Chang
Gregor Hohpe
Sam Gentile
Robert Hanson
Chad Fowler
Jonathan Edwards
James Robertson
Bruce Eckel
Andrew Stopford
Tully Monster
Grady Booch
Dave's Ramblings
Solveig Haugland
Dave Hoover
But Uncle Bob
Doug Schaefer
Ted Leung
The Farm
Ian Clysdale (Random)
Gilad Bracha
Keith Devens
Urbana-Champaign Techophiles
Stefan Lauterer (Tinytalk)
Planet Python
Chris Koenig
Peter Lindberg (Tesugen)
Jason Yip
Sean McGrath
Jeff Erickson (Ernie's 3D Pancakes)
Steve Freeman (Mock Turtle Soup)
hakank (komplexitetemergens)
Deciduous Ponderings
Take One Onion
Ken Schreiner
Michael Mahemoff (Software as She's Developed)
Champaign Media Watch
Jason E. Sweat's Weblog (PHP, etc.)
Raymond Lewallen (Code Better)
Keith Ray
Raymond Chen (The Old New Thing)
Neil Gafter
Joe Walnes
Ivan Moore
LD/dazza (Lost in La Manche)
Scott Rosenberg (Wordyard)
Dave Stagner (Sit down and shut up!)
Walter Korman (Lemurware)
Munawar Hafiz (The space between)
Rafael de F. Ferreira (Rafael Rambling)
Mike Hostetler (Where Are The Wise Men)
Jordan Magazine
Andriy Solovey (Software Creation)
Mike Griffiths (Ideas and essays on code development)
Ashish Shiraj (Ashish Kumar -- Software Test Engineer)
Nathaniel T. Schutta (Just a thought...)
Lynn Cherny (Ghostweather R&D Blog)
Dominique Boucher (The Scheme Way)

Powered by Movable Type 5.14-en